Looking back at 2008
20.12.2008
I cant belive it's been a year since I last wrote on this website, and looking back over the year I can totally see why...
When Chris, Kev, Sam and Dale joined the band, they shared the same vision and backed me up on all my decisons with what we were doing and things worked really well. But then over the past year or so i have felt a change mainly in Chris and Kev with the attitude towards the project.
None of it feels deliberate or malicious, just difference of direction and a lot of it I went along with because it seemed pretty new and exciting, mainly in the writing as I still feel really impressed by most of what we've written and love playing our stuff.
It was more the politics or the band and critisisms from them. They wanted a democracy where we all had equal say in stuff which I was fine with as long as we all did the equal workload of the boring stuff and we all met deadlines..but this was never the case, we missed every deadline because everyone had higher priorities in thier lives, and if you want to be successful in music, you need to sacrifice a lot.
Now i'll put my hands up to beeing overly keen when wanting things to get moving and sometimes the quality in what I did sometimes failed to meet professional standards, but i'd rather be overly keen and make a few errors than to not be bothered.
When I was leading the way we got loads done and even had a great reputation of being one of the hardest working bands in the midlands with all the events and parties and club nights we organised. i wasn't s much in charge, but deligated rather well. But the democracy slowed decision making right down as we could never agree on the same thing and nobody would get thier jobs done in time to meet deadlines.
I guess the guys made me feel pretty useless and kept knocking my confidence as a front man, there are quite a few examples which i wont list them all, but I knew it was getting bad when they wanted to ditch the project stuff from the biography, started proof reading my lyrics to see if they agreed, slate my artwork ideas when i'd be the only one doing anything, and basically tried to tone down any personality fueled ideas I had regarding videos, photoshoots, art etc..and not alowed to talk inbetween songs was probably another warning bell too....the strangest one was when we were fighting over whether to put a space in between the Circle and the 3...that took 6 months to decide!!
By the end of this year, it really felt like I couldn't be myself in the band and more of what they wanted me to be which looked pretty boring. I only play music to make me happy, not bothered about fame or fortune, so when the only time i'm happy in the band is when we play live, I need to take a look at my life and start changing things. So thats when I swapped priorities betwen band and solo stuff as I have always been super productive and the band just wasn't moving fast enough.
With the responses to all my solo stuff from gigs and the fact that my album is shifting more copies than anything else i've ever recorded elsewhere, i know there is nothing wrong with my personality..maybe an aquired taste and a little blunt..but my lyrics are what seems to be making the biggest impression with people and that's what seems to be dissed the most with the band.
Like I said, this is clearly not intentional but more of how we rub off on each other. The band felt too safe and the guy's didn't want to offend anyone and maybe have everyone like us...but from experience, not everyone will like you, some people will hate you...even if they've never heard you.
So, i guess the reason why I left the band was because I just didn't feel like they were backing me up. Bands need a leader, and when the democracy took over, there was nobody to guide us in a way we'd all feel happy with.
I still look back over the years of Circle3 and have many a fond memories and I really miss some of our songs, some of them made me feel so good to play and maybe one day i'll play them again.
It is definitely the right decision to make and have already had the greatest of starts to my solo venture that next year excites me bucket loads. I really cant wait unitl I move up to Leeds and be a part of a music scene up north. Leamington, as pretty and lovely as it is is getting rather snobbish about live music and in a town where it is booming with amazing acts, I find it a real shame that they all seem to be jumping ship as all the bars head up market and diss real good old fun.
So, my journal thoughts will continue now that the project is back on track, i have some amazing ideas that i want to fulfil and look forward to 2009, the year of doing what the fuck i want.
happy Christmas and Merry New Year...PVR x